Daily gratitudes ~

Thanks x 3 = Special Olympics + youth + roses.  I give thanks and move on in my day

Thanks x 3=son home next week+creativity of staff team+feel of cold,wet grass on bare feet. I give thanks & move on in my day

Thanks x 3 = Gratitude for the jazz of Keiko Matsui+trust+the view outside of my window.  I give thanks and move on in my day ~

Thanks x 3 = Gratitude for this day+gratitude for justice seekers in Arizona+gratitude for sunflowers.  I give thanks and move on in my day ~

~Coming Home ~

Coming Home ~

There is a wonderful verb in Spanish that translates into ‘Come to realize.’ The verb is ‘darse cuenta.’ It’s a verb form that took me some getting used to because ‘dar cuenta’ is used to say ‘gave an account of’ but darse cuenta alters the verb to be reflexive and in doing so alters it to ‘come to realize.’  Once learned, it readily found a home in thought and speech. In the week leading up to my return I took time to reflect upon my experience and asked myself the question, ‘What is it I bring home to UUCM?’ I knew I ‘felt’rested. I knew my Spanish had improved. I knew a lot more about the history and culture of México and also about the culture and beliefs of the Mayan people.  But I had a sense that I brought something else home. I could feel that I just as my body and mind had been rested, challenged and reenergized, my soul, too, had ‘come to realize’ something different. A new way of being. I sought to put words to it and the reflections that follow are the result. 

~Gracias por Darse Cuenta~

Somewhere in the midst of my Spanish studies, I let go. I let go of trying so hard to listen to the exact words offered by one of my teachers, fellow students or community member.  I haven’t a clue of what prompted me to do so. It may have been that I tired of tensing my whole body up determined to understand each and every word. It may have been that I eased up inadvertently, lulled by the tropical breeze and a breakfast of fresh mango, papaya and pineapple. It could have been either or both or things I cannot recall.  Regardless of how it happened, it did, and the world changed.  I changed. Suddenly each conversation was about ‘who’ the person was and ‘what’ they wanted to communicate.  The point became the relationship.The important pieces moved from noun, verb and adjectives to eye contact, body proximity and smiles. The outcome shifted from ‘knowing’ to ‘being.’ It made all the difference. From that moment on, certainly I would spend hours studying verb tenses, sentence structure and an expanding vocabulary, BUT I had come to realize that the ‘win’ did not reside in mastering the language. It resided in answering this simple question ...

“Can you park your understanding of ‘achievement’ at the door and come know me?”

It seems like such a small question, but for me, saying ‘yes’ meant ‘yes’ to these questions as well.

“Can you park your understanding of ‘progress’ (and progressive) at the door and come know me?”

“Can you park your understanding of ‘education’ at the door and come know me?”

 “Can you park your understanding of ‘civilized’ (and civilization) at the door and come know me?”

“Can you park your understanding of ‘success’ at the door and come know me?”

“Can you park your understanding of ‘enlightened’ at the door and come know me?”

My ‘yes’ required leaving behind layers and layers and layers of culture-based formation.  It meant acknowledging my work in putting down my US baggage that I might then be open to hearing the meaning and value of very different ways of being.  It meant going further than discarding preconceptions to a commitment to actively challenge my reactions.  (More on a vivid example of this in the Sunday, April 29^th service!). 

I also ‘came to realize’ that this was one of those lessons that isn’t ever over.  It takes holding on to that level of awareness in each and every interaction, whether it be in a different country or across cultures in your own home. We are such different beings – each of us.  We arrive in any interaction with all of who we are, predisposed to receive new information, new experiences and new people into a structure built solidly over years from the materials we had at hand.  I have ‘come to realize’ that each time I step out of my structure, the deep gifts of an expanded spirit in community with other spirits awaits.   The trick is in realizing that’s true here at home as well.  Particularly even more so ~

~Gracias por ‘darse cuenta.’~

*Rev. von Zirpolo was on sabbatical in Playa del Carmen, México for three months.  She spent that time in Spanish immersion school, frolicking with sea turtles, rays and tropical fish, exploring Mayan ruins and just being ~ (With gratitude to the UU Congregation of Marblehead for their support and commitment to clergy sabbatical and most particularly to this sabbatical and this minister!!! Further appreciation to the many colleagues, lay & ordained who graced UUCM with their presence and to UUCM for doing the same!)

April Spiritual Practice ~

This month, the focus for spiritual growth is laughing out loud! What makes you laugh? When was the last time you had a giggle? A roar? How do you take in humor? How do you share it with others? Look around at those you love and ask "what makes them laugh?" Then, knowing how laughter tickles your own soul, get busy feeding others!

It's all in the Practice ~

Reading

From Attitudes of Gratitude by M.J. Ryan

“We are so incredibly well trained to notice what’s wrong in any given relationship, work situation, or experience that it’s easy to overlook what’s right.  That’s not surprising, because our entire education system trains us to notice flaws and mistakes: in school, the wrong answers are marked, not the right ones.   In relationships, we spend lots of time, energy and money, often with the help of therapists, working on fixing what’s wrong.  At work, we study our failures and mistakes for clues so that we can prevent them from happening again.”

“But what if we have it backward?  What would we be like now if all the answers we got correct on every test had been marked?  What if we spent as much energy in relationships noticing and appreciating the other person’s gifts and talents and the strength and the beauty of the relationship itself as we do exposing and dealing with its flaws?   What if, at work, we spent an equal amount of time looking at what is working and how we can do more of that as we do analyzing what’s wrong?”

Thus ends this morning’s reading.

Sermon

Our free religion

This day

These people

I give thanks and move on in my day

So much of who we are comes directly from practices not of our own design.  And some of those practices are drilled into us.  As referenced in this morning’s reading, sometimes the practices run deep in our culture and we may not even notice them ---- nor do we realize the price we pay.  Fortunately, we are also able to create practices of our own

Possibilities

My mind

This community

I give thanks and move on in my day

Every Tuesday and Thursday morning I have the pleasure of working with children and youth with special needs in the Haverhill School system.  I teach them swim.  I’ve been doing it for almost twenty years now and I’ve learned a few things along the way.  Each of them move through the world quite differently from most. Some arrive in wheelchairs and need to be handed in and out of the pool.  Others use only basic sign language for speech, many have impulsive behaviors requiring a special vigilance around dry clothing and even personal safety.  Each are unique gifts to our world.  It’s my job to figure out where they are in terms of their ability to swim, meet them there and help them to be safe, and I hope, to love the experience of being in water and if able, to swim, dive, float and glide like a merman, mermaid or merperson.  Because I have done this for so long, with these special students and will hordes of other children in the YMCA program, there are many things I know well.  I have all sorts of techniques and tools that are effective at teaching swim.  Ways to get them to reach our further, to get their legs up – ways to wean them off of flotation devices, ways to relax into my arms and trust enough to feel what it is to float.

I have learned how to teach others these techniques.  Each of my own children have taught swim, know how to be THAT lifeguard – the one who doesn’t allow splashing, touching or cursing in the pool.  The one who as soon as the kids see you, they go ‘arghhhhhhhhh’ but then have a great time after all and nobody gets hurt.  I know how to teach others how it’s important to find different ways to celebrate each child.  The one who will never win a race but can hold his or her breath longer than any other.  The one who looks anything BUT froglike doing the breaststroke but can do a back float beautifully.

But there are some things, I’ve yet to figure out just how to teach.  How long to let someone flounder under water knowing that any second they will figure out that kicking their feet and moving their hands just so will pop that head back up into the air and they’ll be able to breathe!  And when it’s really okay to pick up a student and place them in the water, even though they don’t want to go in – because you are pretty sure they’ll love it once they’re in.  And then, of course ............. outlasting a cryer.  This is a particularly important asset to have in your toolkit in this type of work. 

Pushing at the right time can open up the world of water – at the most basic level, the win is an at-risk young person being safe around the water’’---  at the most glorious end, it’s seeing one of these youngsters claim water as their own world.  They live in a world which limits them in so many ways, at times unfairly and unnecessarily and it is nothing short of glorious to see them blow all expectations out of the water and flourish, at times exceeding the skills and comfort level of teachers, aides and parents who arrived with such limited expectations

These children and youth

Their parents

Resources to help teach

I give thanks and move on in my day

.

A wrong move in this work can set you back a year.   Either because there has been some trauma with water that gets triggered or just because an increase in anxiety or angst is itself a trigger for a mood change that impacts the entire day.  And so I tread carefully and with high hopes of doing no harm and offering an assist into this world I love.  It was in this context I share an interaction I had just last week.

I have a new student.  I’ll call him Charlie.  Charlie, who is around 10, arrived with a lot of anxiety and a lot of attitude!  I arrived with clear expectations.  “Okay gentlemen --- 8 widths of the pool and then you may have some free time. “ Charlie had a lot to say about my expectations “No, no, no.  I can’t”  “Yes, you can Charlie.” “NO, I’ll drown.”  “No you won’t.  I’m a lifeguard,  I won’t let that happen,” I offered to this young man so well outfitted with flotation devices there truly wasn’t a chance!  “I don’t want too,” he countered “and you shouldn’t make me. There’s more water than there was last week.  Who filled it too high.  Did YOU do that? Who are you anyway? Don’t you know I can’t do that?”   His list of ‘no’ reasons was impressive and endless.  But, as mentioned, I’ve learned a thing or two and swim he did – back and forth and back and forth.  Halfway through, having talked nonstop the entire way through --- he then announced that he would have to have fins – you know – flippers – for the second half.  He wasn’t wild about the answer ‘no’ but continued on – back and forth and back and forth.  He then stomped over to let me know he was done and barked at me ‘I WANT FINS NOW!’ I said ‘Charlie, it’s “I want fins now, please”  He began to get all tense.  “I WANT FINS NOW!”  “Charlie, I am happy to help you find your size but I need you to say please.  It’s polite and it’s how we do things here.”  “I CAN’T!” he said.  “Why?” I asked.  Now visibly red in the face, all wound up, raising up on his toes for emphasis, he answered.  “BECAUSE WHEN I GET THIS ANGRY I CAN”T SAY PLEASE!”

 

This young man

Life

Water

I give thanks and move on in my day

I found myself  thinking ‘hmmmm, how far do I want to take this.  We’ve already had a win.  He swam his laps.  How far do I push?  I asked his teachers earlier, are there behaviors I need to know about – biting, seizures, etc and they weren’t YET aware of any but he was new.  Having been bitten, scratched and taken a few punches doing this work, the  YET stuck in my mind. 

Special Olympics

The human mind

Children

I give thanks and move on in my day

I decided to asked him one more time and he tensed all up and looked like he was going to explode a bit and said “I WANT FINS NOW PLEEEEEEEEEEEEASE.” As soon as the word came out, his whole body relaxed, the battle over, he didn’t smile immediately but he did smile soon (though I don’t think at me!).  Together we tried on three different pairs of fins, offered commentary on how I should have known the third pair was the correct pair first, he accepted help getting them on, offered a ‘thank you’ when prompted, slid into the pool and was happy ---------- happy as I imagine a merman would be! 

Learning

Loving

This child

I give thanks and move on in my day

Just as the ripple effects of a bad experience may have had been far-reaching, I’m equally certain that the impact of Charlie’s positive experience at the pool created ripples too.  And they didn’t happen because I made this young man say please.  I couldn’t make him.  They happened because Charlie made a good choice, a positive choice.  He made a choice to be gracious, if not grateful.  To be compliant,  if not convinced.  Somehow, in that stressed out little house of a body, mind and spirit he somehow came to value that graciousness and compliance more than controlling that moment.  And then, and this is the important part --- he acted upon it.  And in the act itself, I watched him change.  I watched the world change.

He chose to live into a better Charlie.  And the world shifted in reward.  At least eight other people there, including me, breathed differently, existed differently in relationship with Charlie, in relationship with the swim program, in relationship with each other, in relationship with the world.  

The ability to swim

My childhood at the beach

My teachers

I give thanks and move on in my day

We have the power to live into our better selves each day.  It is in these very specific moments of our days that we do so.  There are other activities that help --- planning, visioning, making to-do lists, talking with others about our plans, reading inspiring books, listening to inspiring speakers, even coming to church to worship about such things .....  Yet, just like Charlie, the very best way we can change our reality, our experience is to choose a particular way of being in any given moment.  It was and is the only path toward a better Charlie and I is the only path toward a better self.  It is to do it.  And to do it again.  And again, and again.  To do it so often that we’ve created a way of being that is as core to us as breathing.  As powerful to us as every good food or drink that we put into our body.  As meaningful as any thing we’ve read.  As beautiful as any piece of art we’ve seen, music we’ve heard or experience we have felt.  We have the power to counter all the other training the world has offered.  All of those tests with only the incorrect items marked.  All of the commercials that tell us we deserve great stores of material things. All of the cultural expectations of what it is to be good, to be successful, to have arrived in life.  All the messages of how we should be, who we should be ~

My body

My mind

My soul

I give thanks and move on in my day

We can’t battle years of negative-based achievement in a moment.  But we can build grand fortresses of gratitude in our daily practices.  Grand fortresses that don’t keep people, the world or the holy out or us in .... but grand fortresses that celebrate life and love at their most basic levels.   Perhaps not fortresses but not shrines either ---- or sanctuary’s – something more like the simple kitchen table where we sit and give thanks, often together.  A simple table, but strong too .... made to last forever.

Charlie

You

Me

I give thanks and move on in my day

Meister Eckhart is famous for saying “If the only prayer you ever say in your whole life is "thank you," that would suffice.”  We do not seek or need fame, but my message this morning is that great wealth of spirit is ours for the taking and sharing .........

It takes only our time. A treasure for sure  - but ours to spend in this manner.   And if the pathway to deeper spirituality is what you seek,  welcome to the cornerstone at the gateway ~

Join me now in the practice, won’t you?  I’ll offer mine and leave time after each set of three for you to sit with yours.

My children

The sound of the ocean

Love

My mother’s good health

The feel of sand under my feet

Food

The wind on my cheek

The hands in mine

Multiculturalism

Mountain springs

Justice

Vocation

Mangos

My father’s life

Laughter

Tides

Art

Today

The sun on my skin

Being born in this country

Access to Education

Food

Shelter

Water

This place

These people

This day

We Give Thanks and move on with our day