The Family Human ~ Courageous Connections

We need to be open to creating family at every turn, naming it for what it is, even, perhaps especially, when it includes imperfection.  For when we are claimed as family at our worst, we know true love, accountability and hope.  Far stronger the bond which calls us to hold one of our family when they have fallen away from their best self.  Far more courageous the hand held out to say ‘no – that’s not okay, come and sit with me for a bit’ than the one that only reaches out to skip along together in joy.  And even more courageous to be the hand and heart that allows itself to be taken.  Choosing to connect with others in the family human at every turn is our certain pathway forward to a better tomorrow.

Winning ~

Winning

is no longer

measured in my mind

Not attached to finish lines

stopwatches

money

or votes

Winning

resides now

deep in my soul

Measured by my heart

In smiles

justice

and peace

Radical Generosity ~ Freedom, Joy & Power

“Rick Ruzzamenti admits to being a tad impulsive. He traded his Catholicism for Buddhism in a revelatory flash. He married a Vietnamese woman he had only just met. And then a year ago, he decided in an instant to donate his left kidney to a stranger.”

These words open a story in the NYTimes article (Feb 2012) by Kevin Sack published just over a year ago. As someone committed to a path of increased generosity it grabbed my attention.  It seemed, well --- radically generous!  While the radical generosity of this one man, Rick Ruzzamenti, drew me in, the resulting story of 59 others is what continues to hold me, these many months later.  And, affirms a commitment to living a life of generous, and I hope at times, radical generosity.

The story goes something  like this --- in Feb 2011, Rick is moved by a story the desk clerk at his yoga studio tells him.  She had bumped into a friend at Target who needed a kidney and this woman decided to donate one of her own.  Rick, who was not even a blood donor, called the local hospital and offered to donate one of his.  Meanwhile, a fellow named Donald needed one but was 5 years down on the donor list and in increasingly poor shape.   His outlook looked grim.  Until, suddenly a kidney appeared.  It wasn’t Rick’s but it was at the end of a chain of 30 kidneys, all connected like dominos, with Rick’s being the one that tipped the whole chain into motion.  That decision of his was the final link in connecting 30 donors with 30 people in dire need.  His expectation of nothing in return fueled an engine that was then able to invite those willing to donate a kidney to a loved one, but who were not matches for that loved one, to donate one to a chain that would eventually result in a donation back to their loved one.  Rick became the final link in Chain 124.  A chain that would involve 17 hospitals in 11 states.  A chain that was the brainchild of a Long Island man named Garet Hil who founded this particular way of paying generosity forward because of his own daughter’s illness.

This was no easy task as many of the recipients had systems challenging to match with any donor.  Once complete the chain included: children donating for parents, parents for children, husbands for wives, sisters for brothers, distant relatives,  sibling donors, far-removed nephews, in-laws and Rick Ruzzamenti.  Ultimately, his kidney traveled on a red-eye from LA to NJ where it landed in a 66-year old man. That man’s niece’s kidney traveled to Madison, WI to Brooke Kitman, whose former boyfriend, despite a difficult split, agreed to send his along to Pittsburgh to Janna Daniels, where her husband’s kidney then traveled to San Diego where Mustafa Parks, a young father of two eagerly awaited.

All the while, the risk each person took was that the next piece of the chain would renege.

“One woman, Rebecca Clark had a little over two months in between her husband receiving his donor kidney and her needing to donate hers to the next person.  In the NYT article she reported that although it occurred to her she could back out, she chose to keep the commitment, stating “I believe in karma, and that would have been some really bad karma. There was somebody out there who needed my kidney.”

                An interesting piece of this story is Rick Ruzzamenti himself.  You might be picturing a man so obviously generous in spirit that nobody would be surprised by his decision.  Not so!  Through his own admissions we come to learn he could be surly, had himself been a heavy drinker and carouser in his earlier years, was known as an unsmiling presence at work and himself confessed that he did not visit his parents or grandmother enough.  But, here he was, willing to donate a piece of his body knowing it would help countless others, with no expectation of anything in return, and quite explicitly NOT seeking accolades or attention.  His motivation?   “It causes a shift in the world,” he said.

A shift indeed.  At least 59 other people and their families and friends and colleagues and hospital staff and neighbors and fellow congregants  and circles upon circles of communities not yet known back then would surely agree.

And another compelling voice in the world of generosity would agree too.  Nipun Mehta, founder of KarmaTube did a Ted Talk about what he understands to be the three stages of generosity - giving, receiving and dancing.  He too speaks of the importance of giving with no expectation of anything in return.  Research shows, he says that we are predisposed to give.  But then acknowledging what it is we do receive  - not in return for giving.  As a matter of fact he suggests that we toss out this idea of giving and receiving as measurable transactions.  That expecting ‘things’ in return for our gifts limits us to experiencing value in other, important ways.   He suggests that we open ourselves up to receiving multiple gifts from the ripples of impact, gifts of connection, synergy, trust and an internal stillness that is personally transformational – all as a result of following a practice of giving. 

The third stage is what happens when entire communities commit to living generosity.  When we do this, we let go of expectations of outcomes, stop keeping track of what we get for what we give, expand our giving and have faith in the power of that giving.  And we begin to dance.  To dance!

Mehta offered the example of the Karma Kitchens ..This is a pretty amazing program in which kitchens are taken over either weekly or monthly, run by volunteers who at the end of the meal present you with a bill that says you owe $0, because the people who ate before you, picked up the check.  They paid it forward!  This experiment in generosity was started in 2007 and now claims service of over 34,000 meals.  They say they cook and serve meals with love and offer them as a gift with nothing expected in return.  They then invite diners to pay for the next meals going forward.   They are seeking to seed generosity in the world and so far doing a pretty great job.

In a world in which we clutch on to all we have and parse it out reluctantly, it’s not always easy for people to accept such generosity, let alone understand it.  Take for example, the day a Berkley fellow, with a PHD in Computer Science was volunteering.  He had had the volunteer training.  He was ready!  He served his meals with love.  But, when he handed the bill to one of the diners.  The man said  ‘So, how does this work?  You just trust me to pay a right amount?’  The volunteer waiter replied “Yes, you’re part of this wonderful chain now. ”  The diner pulled out a $100, gave it to him and said “Well, I trust you to give me back whatever change is right!” The poor volunteer went into the kitchen shaking his head and thinking THIS was not part of the volunteer orientation.  But then he settled himself a bit and grounded himself in the purpose of the program – in generosity.  He went back, handed the diner his original $100 and then took another $20 out of his pocket and handed that to him too!  And the diner was completely blown away.  And because he was blown away, the volunteer was blown away too and the ripples began and everyone was energized!  I bet that story is still being told by everyone involved and by the many more that have heard it since and because I am telling it to you today, I bet some of you will repeat it as well!   Now --- you could look at this transactional-ly --- what was the cost of the food, where do they make they up, etc.  Or you could look at the dance that followed and how a whole different sort of value was created!  A new dimension of value. One where hearts and souls connected, minds were set free from a need to keep what is ours, to evaluate the worth of giving from a place of ONLY giving when we know what we will get and we deem what we will get worth it!  Imagine! Ripples of kindness and generosity set loose without expectation and without limits. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

I know that my own journey toward a life of greater generosity had taken me to that place.  And that dance is one of freedom, joy and power.  The minute I let go of judgment about who is worthy or not of $1 or $2 when I see people begging on the street, entire stores of thought and emotion were released from my mind.  I was free.  With each load of clothing and other goods I give away, even thinking I ‘might’ use them one day, I become freer.  And all that freedom leads to joy in knowing today, another person has good boots to keep feet dry or better pans with which to cook or a third pair of socks because I don’t need more than 10 pair and have many more.  And with each financial donation I am freed and joyful and feel surges of power knowing my dollars are aligned with my values and put into play with other dollars for good and that dance, done with others, doesn’t keep me gazing upon my giving, evaluating, counting or seeking accolades.  Instead, it leaves me looking for more ways to give.  And so I joyfully make my coffee at home, have mostly switched to frozen blueberries offseason, and have downsized holiday gift giving considerably.  I’ve been known to give stacks of $1 bills to my children along with a note about giving, because I want them to live lives of joy too.

Mehta closed with these words “You give, receive and dance.   When you give you find that compassion is contagious and you start to create community.  When you receive,  and really learn to receive, you  start to discover abundance and when you Dance , not only to you create micro-gift economies but we start to seed a gift culture.”

And so, for your imagination I ask:  What would it be if here we chose to give far more than we imagined we could?  What would it be like if we chose to split our Sunday plate every week rather than do second offerings from time to time?  What would it be like if we chose to give it away every week?  If every week someone presented information about the organization that this week would benefit from our offerings?  Certainly the organizations to which we gave would change, transactional-ly.  They would be able to purchase more food, support more families, shelter more animals, build more homes, and so on.  But ponder this:  How would we change?  Would we then become the sowers of seeds to a new culture of generosity, deeper and more giving than ever before?   And what would the ripples of effects look like in our lives?  Like the diner, newly opened to a radical experience of generosity, who might we impact if we chose to live our faith in this manner.  Shedding all we have, each day of our lives.  We are so very generous, here in this congregation.  So very generous.  Yet, we can do more.  We’ll have to reach deeper into our pockets and perhaps reach deeper into our souls.  But we are on the journey and I have faith that we’re worthy of such lofty goals.  I actually believe it’s what we want.  To be called to lives of radical generosity and to belong to the place that calls us there!  To be free, dancing with joy and using our considerable power ---- for the good of all!  In the coming years I’d love to find out, here with you on the journey ~

I close with a story Mehta told at the start of his presentation.   A story he said took place on Christmas Day in Mexico.   A  father and son were sitting under a tree.  As they sat there, a little boy who looked to be quite poor was nearby.  The father turned to his son and said, son, give that boy one of your toys.  The boy was a bit reluctant but saw that his father was serious.  He looked down at the several toys he had with him.  He selected the one he played with least and began to head over to the little boy.  His father said ‘wait.’  Don’t give him that one, give him your favorite. The boy unhappily agreed but went ahead and took his favorite toy and went over to the little boy and gave it to him.  When he comes back his father thought he will have to explain to him the importance of giving and appreciate his generosity.  To his great surprise, his son returned with an unexpected emotion on his face.  The lesson already learned.  That emotion was joy.  His son, face gleaming looked up and asked only one question.  “Dad”  he said “that was amazing.  Can I do it again?”