“The best
and the most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or touched .... but
are felt in the heart.”
~
Hellen Keller
One of the best gifts I ever got was an old, tired
bracelet. It wasn’t gold or silver or
bejeweled. Most wouldn’t have thought it
precious at all. But it was beyond
precious to me. It came from a woman I
later learned many young people in Winchester called ‘Ma Winchester.’ She lived
not far from Winchester Commons where many young folks hung out. I wasn’t allowed to ‘hang out’ on the common,
but often walked through it or rode my bike past or through it on the way home,
to a store or church. I knew Eleanor
would often walk there and sit on a bench.
She may have fed the birds. At
some point I learned that she had quite a following of teenagers. I imagine she was a good listener and perhaps
offered some council. She was
elderly. She walked with a cane. She had a wooden leg. And at some point,
someone on that common named her ‘Ma Winchester.’ I knew her because she was a
dear friend of my grandmother. I would
see her when she came to visit at my grandmother’s house. I can picture her in the backyard swimming
pool, with her wooden leg just sitting on the patio next to where she slipped
in. I did not know anyone else with a
wooden body part so she had my attention from day 1. But it was her personality that kept me
engaged. To me she wasn’t Ma Winchester. She was Eleanor and I adored talking with
her.
On this one occasion, I was visiting her at
her apartment. I am foggy about the
timing but I think it must have been near a birthday or Christmas because for
some reason she took her bracelet off of her wrist and gave it to me. It was precious beyond measure. I can still remember what it felt like on my
wrist. It fit loosely and for many years
to follow, I would touch it and think about her kind heart and twinkling, yet
learned – in life’s lessons – sort of way, eyes. Eleanor is long gone and so too the
bracelet. I remember parting with it at
some point, perhaps offering it to some church fair, because it had long since
served its purpose. You see I wear
Eleanor inside now, as she forever altered my heart.
Isn’t it interesting what gifts we never forget? At times they aren’t things we were ever
cognizant of ‘wanting.’ And truly, sometimes they were things we never did
want! I remember this ‘interesting’
purse my grandmother gave me. It was
from some very nice story I believe and I’m sure it was a treasure to
someone. I recall my mother and I sort
of smiling at each other with that look of
‘Well, she meant well – I bet she thought it was hip!’ I also recall the
bike that I heard some years later took all expletive, expletive, expletive
night to put together. I remember the
tenor recorder and how it felt the first time I touched it and how rich it
sounded. I remember the downhill skis
with my name engraved on them and the cross country skis with the mohair strips
on the bottom – matching those of my mother and father.
I’m sure I “wanted” most of those things,
well everything but that purse! I still
enjoy the recorder. The bracelet, as I
mentioned, is long gone and the bicycle and skis have been replaced over the
years. But what I probably didn’t know I
“wanted” was embedded in each of those gifts and it remains. That ‘thing’ is the love in the relationships
and the imagining that reflected that love.
The imagining of something valued, something enjoyed by another
person. It was the expletive-laden night
of bicycle assembly. It was the
grandmother of 11 thinking ‘hmmmm – Wendy is artistic – perhaps she’d like this
artsy bag.’ It was the parents who
having discovered their love of cross country skiing and shared it with us,
wanted to equip us so we could join them more often. It was the parents who heard, saw and felt
that my love of the recorder was real not some passing fancy. The real gift, in each case, wasn’t the thing
that was wrapped under the tree or leaning against the wall. As corny as it sounds – it truly was the
thought that counted and the ‘want’ that was fulfilled never appeared on any
note to Santa. It was a want written
deep within the heart and soul.
Something that existed beyond the bounds of any holiday. It was one of the most precious things. The kind of thing that Helen Keller writes of
when she says such things “cannot be seen or touched .... but are felt in the
heart.” This want we all have and often
hide or disguise in order to protect ourselves.
It is the want of acceptance, of love, a want to be cherished. It resides in that same place we keep that
wish to love and cherish others.
Now I must confess that I’ve fallen victim and even
perpetuated the kind of want that this is not!
I’m sure if you asked my mother, and please don’t! But I’m sure I must have been less than my
best self when it came to what I ‘wanted’ or just ‘had to have’ as a child. I
can’t say that I was all into this ‘hey, just cherish me, that’s all I need’
mode. Really – no presents necessary! Just give me the love! And I know I fed the ‘consumer-based want
machine’ when my children discovered Abercrombie & Fitch. There’s a store I could stand to never go in
again! And I know that in my early twenties,
before I even had those children, I got
caught up in the commercialism that is always poised, ready to seduce us into
buying more and wanting more and having more and wanting still more! I stand before you guilty of having been
swept away by the imagining that more was better and almost came to see gifting
as the point of the holidays. Almost ~
But then I did have those four children ~ and
I remember gifts from those times too. I
remember the coupons “This coupon good
for coffee (and that meant from fresh
ground beans) “ “This coupon good for
half a sandwich.” (that one made me laugh – I think it was half because they
were going to eat the other half.” And
my all time favorite --- “this coupon is good for me not talking to you for 20
minutes --------- two different times!!!).
Each of these so deeply thoughtful and from the heart. Each of these treasured still ~ I ‘wanted’
for nothing for I was bathed in the enjoyment of witnessing giving that comes
from imagination, from knowing and from love.
And now, their childhoods far behind, that sort of gifting
continues. Two years ago, a water
fountain to listen to at night when I’m alone –from my then 20 year old son who
knows his mother is soothed by the sound of water flowing down over
stones. And this year, this large mug
with a turtle on it from a daughter who knows my love of swimming with turtles
and what a fan I am of a serious-size mug of coffee. Two things I could not have know I ‘wanted’
but both reflections of something I will always want – connections rooted in
knowing, imagination and love ~
Also feeding that want, five different types
of blueberry bushes from my love because they each produce berries at a
different time in the summer and she knows how much I love to pick fresh
blueberries for my morning cereal.
None of this is to say I haven’t appreciated or ‘wanted’ many
other presents along the way. I have
been gifted so thoroughly and thoughtfully by so many. There is nothing wrong
with wanting & gifting on that yankee-swap sort of level --- making sure
you wrap up something and you try to be sure it’s something that will be
appreciated and that nobody will feel like they got the bum prize. But beyond that there is GIFTING --- finding
the perfect something that you know will be appreciated and loved or at least
very much needed. But, beyond that --
there is gifting – when it doesn’t
matter what the present is or even if it’s wrapped, it’s that moment between
the two of you – like my moment with Eleanor – when all that matters is the
connection with all that it encompasses.
Past hurts or struggles, achievements, joys, laughter and/or tears.
Lifetimes. It’s the connection with all
that ever was, all that is and all that lies ahead between two people,
perfectly imperfect souls that we are.
It’s authenticity. It’s knowing
and being known. And isn’t that all we
could ever truly “want?”
Our deepest wants as a
human being. To be seen. To be truly seen and known. To be truly seen & fully known. To be truly seen, fully known and really
loved. Our deepest wants cannot be
fulfilled alone. We only realize them in
relationship with others and only when we gift one another with authenticity,
trust one another with ourselves and commit over and over again to care. It is in that sacred space we can be open
with our hearts, in giving and receiving.
And we cannot simply wait for it to happen. What do I want most for Christmas? I want to live there. Each day ~ In that place where the best and
the most beautiful things in the world are felt. In that place where we necessarily risk
ourselves for the sake of ourselves and each other. In that place where we share truthfully with
one another in the moment and always in kindness. In that place where a bad joke at the holiday
table is called for what it is. That place where hurts can be named directly
and completely. That place where feelings of pain aren’t hushed, feelings of
achievement are celebrated, feelings of anger are acknowledged but restrained
and where the most marginalized are protected.
Where fear can be companioned, tears shed and laughing with joy embraced. In the only place where peace among all
people can be realized because it is practiced in real time with real
difference.
What do I want for Christmas? That! Peace among all people. And Christmas reminds me it is possible. If
we each begin right here and now and carry it on from this place.
And so friends, Bring on the holidays with all of the bells
and whistles and lights and candy canes.
But take hold first. Take hold of
what your heart and soul want most. To be seen, valued and cherished ~and to
cherish others. Cling to the love
and care you want and hold it as dearly to your bosom as Mary held Jesus and
use that feeling to fuel all human connections. Let Christmas Come but do not let our social
construct of the holiday take from you that which makes you best, makes you
true and makes you kind. Let Christmas
Come and affirm that which our hearts knows – now is the time to cherish one
and cherish all, to give of ourselves and to join in making a better tomorrow –
heck, even a better today! Let Christmas
Come indeed and may we each live its glory, by living our own, together ~
May it be
so ~
No comments:
Post a Comment