As part of my sabbatical time I stepped more deeply into the teachings of Pema Chodron. She’s long been a guiding force in my own spiritual journey and companions me still. Last year, at this time, I explored her writings about awakening loving kindness within our own hearts.[1] Her words altered me in ways that are still unfolding. In her gentle manner she tossed out all I thought I knew about the pathway toward better self. She said ‘Don’t look at what you need to improve. Look at who you are. Come to terms with who you are. Study who you are. Get to know yourself and once done, by the way, learn to treat yourself with loving kindness.’ In doing so, she pretty much ruled out any thinking of ‘if I could only do this or that better, life would be good.’ Her examples included
·
If
I could only have a nicer house, I’d be a better person.
·
If
it weren’t for the fact that my boss and I can’t get on, my job would be just
great.
·
If
I could meditate, I would be a better person.
Instead of ‘if only’s’ she said “this
is the body you have, the mind you have, this is you – right now, right
here. You have everything you need to be
“fully human, fully awake, and fully alive”
Interesting concept, isn’t it? So, this body that needs five pillows and
sometimes drugs to sleep partially through the night is what I have. Let go of
the ‘if only’s and make friends with it.’
And this ‘me,’ that talks too much most days, let’s her heart get too
grabbed by the world at times to the detriment of family and friends and let’s
some traffic patterns and drivers choices rile her unnecessarily, well that me
is what I have right now and I should let go of ‘if only’s and make friends
with it.’ Hmmmm --- interesting! Could
it be that my New Year’s resolutions of, lose weight to make my knees happier,
do my shoulder exercises and be more careful in the pool, do the Dr. Oz body
3-day spinach and kale body cleanse once each month, keep a tape of Thich Nhat
Hanh’s breathing meditation in my car for those traffic moments, talk less and
listen more and tend, tend, tend family and friends at least as much as I tend
the world ……………….. could it be that I could just toss out that list and make
friends with my body and mind????? My
winter is looking up! EXCEPT, except, I
read all of Pema Chodron’s writings.
And so, Alas ~ and with appreciation
~ I share these words from Pema Chodron:
“ One of the major obstacles to what
is traditionally called enlightenment is resentment, feeling cheated, holding a
grudge about who you are, where you are, what you are. This is why we talk so much about making friends
with ourselves, because, for some reason
or another, we don’t feel that kind of satisfaction in a full and complete
way. Meditation is a process of
lightening up, of trusting the basic goodness of what we have and who we are,
and realizing that any wisdom that exists, exists in what we already have. Our wisdom is all mixed up with what we call
our neurosis. Our brilliance, our
juiciness, our spiciness, is all mixed up with our craziness and our confusion,
and therefore, it doesn’t do any good to try to get rid of our so-called negative
aspects, because in that process we also get rid of our basic
wonderfulness. We can lead our life so
as to become more awake to who we are and what we are doing rather than trying
to improve or change or get rid of who we are or what we are doing. The key is to wake-up, to become more alert,
more inquisitive and curious about ourselves.”
NOW – a disclaimer. THIS IS NOT to say ‘it’s okay to be nasty to
people if you feel like it or kick small animals or gesture at people on the
road, even if they don’t seem to understand what a yield sign means! And I certainly am not saying I condone ‘worst
self behavior’ in myself or anyone else. Chodron’s words are actually a lot like UU
theology. Just as each of us is
responsible for discerning what we believe is true about the divine and the
mysteries of creation, so too, with our own soul work. If we are to take these words to heart, we
won’t be starting the year by getting rid of pieces of us we see as ‘bad.’ Rather, guided by the words of Chodrun and a
religious tradition that calls us to accountability, we’ll get rid of all the
noises in our world that tell us how life should be, how our bodies should be,
how our minds should be, how our hearts should be, and we’ll commit to stepping
into closer relationship with the areas we are least fond of, perhaps even those
that frighten us most. We’ll choose one or more and name them. Not to expel them from our perfectly
imperfect selves, rather to say ‘It’s just you and me now, in the conversation. I’ll let go of all other outside influences. All other voices, gone. I’ll commit to knowing you, this part of me,
because you are me. I’ll step in closer
with curiosity, gentleness and love, because you are me. Rather than hate you, I’ll seek to know you,
with faith that in doing so, I will become a better person. And because I will become a better person, I
will help create a better world.
And so, readers, an invitation to
reflection. “What piece(s) of you might
you have yearned to leave behind as you enter the new year, in hopes that ‘if
only……… I would be a better person or life would be better.’ Might you instead commit to tossing out all
other influences and voices and expectations and step into that piece of
yourself, with curiosity & loving
kindness for your good and the good of all?
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